My challenge progress and an impediment

I have been doing okay on my fruit challenge. I have had 1 or 2 fruits a day since I started, which is better than the 0-1 I was having before, but not exactly fulfilling my goal. I don't want to be making excuses for myself, but eating lots of fresh fruit means going to the grocery store a lot, which I don't necessarily want to do because I don't want to be seen in public, I'm uncomfortable in my clothes, and I don't have the money to do lots of shopping. Okay, as I re-read that last sentence I see I am definitely making excuses for myself. 1) Most people that see me in public don't know what I used to look like, so they are not thinking about how bad it's gotten. Most people are too consumed with themselves to notice me anyway. 2) I can handle squeezing into tight jeans for a quick walk to the store if it will ultimately help those jeans to fit more loosely. 3) I am spending more money if I stock up on junk food (or pseudo-health food) every week than if I walk to the store for fruit every couple of days. Plus the walk helps me burn more calories. So no more excuses!

I have been doing okay on my exercise. What seems to keep impeding me is the whole morning schedule thing. If I wake up late, it feels too late to exercise because it will take up so much time (so then I watch some TV and eat. Great.), but I am having a hard time getting up early. Compounding the problem is that my husband has been going to work later lately, and I don't know why. I snapped at him today, when it was 11:30 and he still had not left. Our weight system at home is right next to the office, and I play music from the office so the door needs to be open, and I do not need him gawking at me or smirking at my noises while I'm trying to get buff! I guess I need to resolve that no matter how late I get up or no matter how late my guy leaves for work, I will work out on schedule, first thing when I get up. Maybe if I crank the music up loud enough, he'll want to leave. I'll try modern jazz tomorrow morning, he hates that stuff.

I don't mean to sound cruel. My husband is the world to me. It's just that his habits are so entrenched that it creates this huge amount of inertia in our relationship. If I want to try to do anything for myself, it's like I have to have the willpower for two: one for me to do it and one to work around his impeding habit. It's like that for drinking less, eating healthier, exercising more, and getting to bed earlier. It is so much harder to do those things when your other half doesn't! What is especially unfair is when I work so hard at creating a new good habit and, like a dolphin behind a motorboat, he rides off my hard work to volley himself ahead. He ends up doing way better than me at the habit and getting all the credit for himself. We went to Hawaii about a year ago, and although I had been struggling to lose weight before I ever knew about that vacation, he quietly decided two months in advance that he wanted to lose weight. He joined a gym, ate a little less, and never talked about it. Four months later, he had lost 40 lbs and everyone was telling him how great he looked. It helped me to eat better and work out more, but my results were anything but dramatic. I feel like I fight and struggle for miniscule victories, and he stubbornly stays the same despite my pleading for support. But when he decides on his own to give it a try, he has such an easy time of it. He must wonder why I am such a failure.