Blegh, getting motivated again

This Saturday at Weight Watchers the instructor talked about motivation. It was the first time I had been in a couple of weeks, and I really needed to get motivated again. I told myself I was kind of following the plan, but I wasn't tracking or counting or making sure I got enough fruit, etc. I had a late night Jack In the Box binge again, which I foolishly do about once every other month. I ate way way way too much! So I definitely needed to get my motivation back. One thing I decided to help is to use the idea of an anti-charity. I heard about it on one of those news lite shows in the morning, where this website is doing it. Basically, you have certain values, and you decide that every time you engage in an undesirable behavior, gain a pound, etc. (whatever you decide), you donate money to an organization that stands for the opposite of what you believe in. I am strongly pro-life, so from now on for every dollar I spend on Jack in the Box, I will donate a dollar to Planned Parenthood. That should get me to think twice when I have the munchies. It seems that no matter where I live, there is a Jack in the Box a few blocks away. Hopefully this means that problem is behind me.

As for the rest of the stuff I eat, I still needed re-motivation. I seem to be motivated by fear, so since I already AM this fat, there's no motivator of "I don't want to get fat". However, I just learned that my flaky and inconsiderate (but thin and beautiful) sister in law is getting married in a month in another state and wants my husband and I to be there. So suddenly I have a very good reason why I need to ramp up my weight loss efforts. Sitting at the computer writing about this isn't the optimal way to lose pounds, but I am going to include a picture in this post. In a month, I'll post another picture and hopefully there will be a noticeable difference. My plan is to make sure that I don't get tempted to cut calories too drastically so my metabolism doesn't slow. I'll keep eating my allotted 25 points a day, try to use as few of my weekly flex points as possible, and exercise like crazy. I was up 30 lbs. from last year, now it's 26.5. So I am hoping that I can lose 16.5 in a month (hey, reach for the stars) through sensible but rigorous means, and disguise the other ten by wearing flattering clothes.

I was starting to suspect that my antidepressant was causing weight gain, but also I was getting more depressed and it wasn't working. So I went to my psych, and he switched me. I've only been on the new one, Lexapro, 2 days now. He said SSRIs don't cause weight gain, but I have no idea why he thinks that since it seems to be the medical consensus that weight gain is one of the best known side effects. Anyway, my emotional cravings are back to normal—they had been higher for a couple of weeks—and I am feeling a little better. Don't know if that's placebo effect, or maybe because I got a new computer game :P but I'll take any improvement I can get.

Well I don't think anyone reads this anyway (it's just as well) but here is the nasty picture of me weighing 181.5 at 5'5".