Growing up, my parents never drank. I guess my grandma, the sweetest lady ever, was an alcoholic. She had a hard life, and drinking was an escape for her. My mom knew that that was in her genes, and because her mom's alcoholism was so hard for her, she never wanted to have any alcohol herself.
When I started dating my husband, he was a bit of a drinker. When I went out with him, people would think I was older and I would often not get carded as I would if I was with friends. He is 4 years older than me, so early on in college I only had alcohol when I went to his place or to a nice restaurant. When we got married (I was 19), I got used to having it around, and he would get me drinks at clubs or parties. When I turned 21, I already knew what I liked. I fancied myself a bit of a connoisseur. In law school, I enjoyed everything from wine to beer to hard liquor. I never got drunk when I went out, and only occasionally got drunk at home. I never did anything dangerous like driving after drinking, and I never missed class because of a hangover like some of my classmates. When I was on periods of low carb dieting, I would only drink rum and diet coke, or red wine.
But sometime in there, I started to think my husband drank too much. He's a big guy and has been a moderately heavy drinker for years, so having four or five drinks barely buzzes him. Well, I'm learning now that a lot of times when I have a habit that I don't like in myself, I point it out in my husband and blame him for it. So when I thought he was drinking too much, it may have meant that I thought I was drinking too much. The family I was raised in didn't really give me an idea as to what level of drinking was healthy and responsible, and what was too much.
While studying for the bar exam, I avoided alcohol. I had a glass of wine here or a couple of beers with friends there, but for the most part abstained. After I finished the exam, I popped the champagne cork and the relieved celebratory drinking did not really slow down for a couple of months. I would take swigs of liquor during the day, which I thought wasn't a big deal. But when I type it, I cringe a little, knowing it sounds bad. I cut back a couple of months ago, but because I have been drinking like a guy for a few years and I'm heavier than I've ever been, I have a pretty high toleration. Some nights I don't keep mental tab of how much I've had. I don't get drunk, but the drinks are adding up and giving me cause to reconsider my habits. And that little feeling of guilt or shame is telling me I need to grow up and stop drinking as much as a college kid. The fact that I think I have more refined tastes doesn't excuse the amount I drink. The calories are really adding up. I think this is a big part of why I gained 20 lbs after the bar exam.
For me, the bigger deal is my family's history of alcoholism. I did a couple of self-tests online, and they show a high probability that I am abusing alcohol, but they indicate that I'm not yet alcohol-dependent, another term for alcoholism. If I keep abusing alcohol, it could turn into dependence, and then I'll have to forgo it forever (or be an alcoholic, which isn't an option). Alcohol abuse help websites say that most people who determine to cut back are able to do it without a problem. If you have a problem cutting back, they say, it indicates you may be alcohol dependent. So, I have determined to set some guidelines for myself.
As everyone reading this blog knows, I am against hard and fast diet rules. But I feel like alcohol is kind of a different animal. With food, you have to eat or else you will die ("breathatarians" notwithstanding). If you don't listen to your body telling you what kind of food you need, you might suffer from deficiencies. But nobody needs alcohol. If it's doing something to you that you don't like, you can just give it up. With food, your stomach indicates that you are full, and then you (ideally) stop eating. With alcohol, the more your body gets the more it wants. So since built-in systems don't really help with alcohol intake, and since I want more than is good for me, I will have to give myself some rules. The incentive is for me, if I find myself unable to stick to the rules I give myself, I will join AA. That's a huge incentive to stick to the rules. I do not want to give up all alcohol forever. It would be like giving up chocolate or coffee forever. Joining AA is a lifetime membership, and for people I know that have done it, it is lifechanging and in some ways life-defining.
Since I don't want to have to do that, and since I am serious about sticking to these rules, I have made rules that are easy enough to follow once I get in the habit. The first month of a habit change is always the hardest, right? And I've been at this for two days already. Score! So my new Rule of Twos, which I will stick to for the rest of the year, is as follows: No more than two beers or sugary drinks per week and no more than two drinks on any given night. That doesn't mean I will have two drinks every night, but I can if I want to. In addition, in order to accommodate for holidays and other festivities, I am allowed to have up to four drinks on one night per calendar month. Like I said, this rule is pretty lax, but it is something I can stick to, which is important, and it also encourages me to keep track of what I drink, which puts a halt to random swigs while cooking or cleaning the kitchen. I think the limit on beers is especially important, since beer contains maltose, which spikes blood sugar more than eating sugar cubes on white bread, causing cravings. The liver also likes to deposit the resulting fat on the front of the belly, which is something I would rather have flat, thank you very much. I love English stouts and Belgian ales, so this part of it will be a little tough, but I will just have to make sure I enjoy and savor what I do have. And that's the whole point, right?
Here is a copy/paste from About.com regarding signs of alcohol abuse or dependence. Number 1 and 3 apply to me.
- Have you ever felt you should Cut down on your drinking?
- Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
- Have you ever felt bad or Guilty about your drinking?
- Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover (Eye opener)?
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